There is a palpable buzz of excitement in the air as Canutology arrives in Britain.

The British Conservative Party is now almost entirely made up of Canutologists, who fervently believe they can prevent the climate from changing.

King Canute believed he could prevent the waves from coming up the beach. If he was here today, he would be so proud to see that Canutology is alive and kicking within the British government.

What could possibly go wrong?

With their exciting plan for “Net Zero” looking like it will be as successful as “Net Covid”, and with the…er… wind behind them, there’s no stopping these plucky Tory Canutologists now.

As the large innovative battery storage systems blow up all around the world, causing huge amounts of damage and threat to life and limb, it transpires that international fire brigades have no idea how to stop this happening, or how to deal with the resultant blaze (which can last for days).

Heat Pump anyone?

Undeterred by the fatal setbacks, our brave Conservative Canutologists are pressing ahead with plans to compel the introduction of inefficient heat pumps in place of the gas boilers installed in 23,000,000 British households.

To reach their unpopular target of Net Zero by 2050, the Conservatives will have to enforce at least 600,000 gas boilers to be ripped out by 2028. Their Canutology strategy also dictates that no new or replacement gas boilers can be fitted after 2035.

Being British, we will gladly sacrifice cosy warm winters in place of lukewarm baths and cold and draughty living rooms, to prove we are hardy individuals who know a good ideology when we spot one.

But will it be good for granny?

Having saved all our grannies from Covid, by destroying the economy and putting people out of business, we are now going to freeze them to death as disastrous energy planning is responsible for sharply rising energy prices. If she can’t afford the rising costs, this will soon have Granny’s teeth chattering all the way to an early grave.

However, we stand proudly today in the certain knowledge that Canutology will save the planet for all those who don’t pass away in the cold winters ahead.

Well done Canutologists!

To read a response from Richard Tice
(Leader of Reform UK) – CLICK HERE

There is a considerable fortune in shale gas beneath our feet. This gas can be extracted using modern technology, and the result would be cheap fuel for our gas boilers, and lower energy prices for all.

Support Reform UK with its calm and rational approach to environmental issues. You can swap Canutology for good old common sense by clicking the link below:

https://www.reformparty.uk/

Simon Bailey

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